10 Ways to Invest in Your Marriage

In today's world there are so many worries. Recently, we have been told about the Swine Flu and how important it is to wash our hands, cover our mouths when we cough, take more vitamin C as some of the precautions that may protect us from getting the flu. Weekly there's some new awfulness to consider like the Wall Street financial breakdown, job losses, 401k losses, home devaluation, high gasoline prices, school violence, lack of health insurance, global warming, bankruptcies of companies to big to fail and so forth. It appears that many things are falling apart. Change is occurring without your input.

One of the best ways to deal with uncertainty is to invest in your relationships especially your marriage. A healthy relationship will pay dividends year round and most especially during hard times the benefits will be substantial. Relationships are investments that are worthy of our time and effort. As a marriage partner you can reinvest your dividends or take a loss. Dividends are trust, warmth, safety and love. Losses are distrust, fear, anger, apathy and jealousy. Marriages, like investments, need our attention on a regular basis not just in time of a crisis. Ten ways to invest into your marriage are:

1. Be open to change. Change is something that cannot be avoided. Learn to embrace it by focusing on "what is" rather than on "what should be".

2. Learn to listen. Real listening is based on attention. It is important to take the time required and give your full attention to your partner. If you find you are too distracted then say so and establish another time that will work for both of you.

3. Be open to new ways of being together. It is easy to do the same activities week after week especially if you are raising children and have a demanding job. Consider doing different activities as a couple as a way to add zest to your relationship.

4. Take care of yourself. The ability to love another person is based on how well you care for yourself.

5. Be grateful, each day, for one thing about your companion. Accent the positive rather than the negative. Your relationship

will thrive.

6. Be generous. Difficulties arise when the focus is exclusively on what is wrong in the relationship. Remember your spouse, like you, is doing their best.

7. Ask for support. Your spouse is not a mind reader. Let your spouse know how you want to be supported.

8. Risk being vulnerable. Be willing to let your spouse know how you feel rather than pretend or avoid your feelings.

9. Make time for each other. Scheduling time together, on a weekly basis, will alleviate stress in your marriage.

10. Learn to respond to each other rather than react. Reacting is an impulsive act. While reacting may provide immediate relief, it will often have long-term negative consequences.

by Charlotte A. Michie