Sunday, 18 January 2009

Romantic Honeymoon

Romantic Weekend Getaways in the USA and Canada

What couple hasn't dreamed of stealing away for a romantic weekend to a place that's peaceful, pretty, and private? A getaway where dining is a sensual delight... and where the two of you can chill out, kick back, and explore places locals journey to when they're in love.

To clue you in on the best places for a weekend escape, we've spanned North America for favorite getaway spots for lodging, dining, and smooching.

Every couple needs private time together in a stress-free setting. Using the links provided, choose a place (they're all wonderful), make a reservation, and go! Your better half will thank you for it.

Romantic Weekend City Escape Guides
Great Getaways from Major U.S. Cities

Romantic Weekend Getaways by State

The Southeast:

The Northeast

The Midwest

The West & Hawaii

The Best Places for Lovers in Canada:

See Before You Go: Take a Virtual Vacation

More of This Feature

The SouthMid-AtlanticMidwest

source by :http://honeymoons.about.com

Thursday, 15 January 2009

Our Guide to the Best Place to Honeymoon

Finding the Best Place to Honeymoon in the USA,
Canada and Around the World

We're pleased to present our ideas for the top honeymoon locations. The top honeymoon spots for couples include Hawaii, Mexico, Tahiti, Florida and Jamaica. These are some of the world's most romantic and exotic honeymoons, and they're superb places.

But in our travels, we've come across some extra special honeymoon destinations. A few of these are familiar, and there are some you perhaps haven’t heard of or considered before.

Have you ever dreamed of watching a storm on the Pacific from an oceanfront cabin? Or relaxing in a small luxury hotel on the cliff of an extinct volcano!

Of course, no one destination is the right place for everyone. Our choice of honeymoon can depend on:

  • When you get married and want to getaway
  • How much time you have
  • How much money you can spend on your honeymoon
And while some couples prefer total seclusion, others need to be near the action. There are newlyweds who like to travel independent, and those who dream of all-inclusive honeymoon vacation packages where everything is looked after. So in these honeymoon places, you’ll find a nice mix of both.

Here's a few of our top honeymoon spot choices. We'll be adding more soon, so keep checking back for more on the best place to honeymoon!



1. "Tucked-Away" on the Pacific Coast

A Romantic Tofino Resort on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada Seclusion, wilderness, wildlife and the ocean. Tofino's incredible setting makes it a superb romantic destination.

2. Soak Up the Mexican Riviera Sun

Mayan Riviera All-Inclusive Resort The "quieter" coast of Mexico has gorgeous white sand beaches, constant sun, and a string of all-inclusive resorts along the coast, any of which would make for a fantastic honeymoon.

3. A Taste of Europe in Canada

Quebec City Bed and Breakfast The Small Hotels and Inns of Quebec City's Old Town have all the romance and atmosphere you'd find in Europe. Find out more about a romantic getaway to the heart of French Canada.

4. Small-Town South Pacific

Cook Islands Vacation Tropical, friendly, secluded and affordable - that's the Cook Islands. A picture perfect paradise in the south seas.

5. Laid Back Key West

Honeymoon in Key West Florida Follow US Hwy 1 to the southernmost point in the country, and you arrive in Key West. It's one of America's most romantic honeymoon spots, and the sunsets are some of the best!

More Romantic Honeymoon Ideas:

Get 2 Nights Free plus Save up to 45% at Sandals Negril Beach Resort & Spa - couples are raving about the new river suites (swim up to your room!) at this all-inclusive Negril Jamaica honeymoon resort.

A Guide to a Romantic Paris Honeymoon - things to see in Paris for couples, the top honeymoon hotels, packages and more.

Anastasis Apartments, Santorini Greece - one of the most romantic honeymoon suites in the Greek Islands. Accommodation features a canopy bed, jacuzzi tub and private terrace overlooking the sea. A memorable honeymoon spot in Santorini situated on the side of volcanic cliff!

We Hope This Helps You Find the Best Place to Honeymoon!

source : http://www.excellent-romantic-vacations.com

Monday, 12 January 2009

BALI GUIDE Continually Updated Insider Information About Bali

BALI GUIDE
Continually Updated Insider Information About Bali



Click here for more details
Click here for a printable Bali map

GUIDE TO BALI

This BALI GUIDE is maintained and updated regularly by foreign residents living in Bali, usually once a week – sometimes more often. You're invited to visit frequently and to bookmark this page.

You'll find on this site current information on the island of Bali in Indonesia and down-to-earth advice, sometimes biased by personal experiences but never influenced by commercial considerations. (The server space is provided by Balivillas.com/Bali.com Ltd as a free service to all visitors to Bali.)

BALI — THE "ULTIMATE ISLAND"

In spite of many changes caused by the rapid development of Bali's economy, local and international tourism, and communications (television, fax, pagers, GSM hand phones, Internet), the influx of people from other Indonesian islands, and the strong influence of the government and "big business" in Jakarta, the island of Bali in Indonesia is year after year voted by the readers of all major travel magazines the most enchanting travel and holiday destination in the whole world.

Bali's wide variety of attractions, the physical beauty of the island, and the year-round pleasant climate make Bali a place regarded by many visitors as the "Ultimate Island".

The friendly people and the absence of any serious criminal activities guarantee visitors a totally relaxing stay – which is a very pleasant surprise for guests who repeatedly felt threatened in Barbados, Jamaica, and other "dream islands" in the Caribbean. To read comments of recent visitors to Bali, please visit the BALItravelFORUM.

INTRODUCTION TO THE ISLAND OF BALI

PLANNING YOUR BALI HOLIDAY

CHOOSING YOUR BALI HOTEL, VILLA, OR RESORT ACCOMMODATION

  • Bali Hotel & Resort Bargain Finder
    Find the GUARANTEED lowest rates at famous boutique hotels, luxury resorts and budget hotels in all parts of Bali. Reserve on-line to save 70% and more. Now with Extra-Special Offers valid for limited periods only.
  • Your Best Choice: Private Vacation Villas in Bali
    Choose from the most beautiful villas in Bali with two to seven bedrooms, a tropical garden with your own swimming pool, trained house staff including a cook and maids, an air-conditioned car with driver, etc. to take care of you around the clock. Check here for Last Minute availabilities and special offers. This "luxury" will be much less expensive than you think.

BALI INSIDER'S GUIDE (continually updated)

  • Bali Weather Report & 5-Day Forecast.
    This report is for the whole island of Bali: this means even if you see rain showers announced these might only be in Ubud and in the mountains while the coastal areas are sunny.
  • Currency Exchange Rates.
    Local exchange rates quoted daily by BII - Bank Indonesia Internasional.
  • VISA ATM Locator.
    Listing of all VISA ATM machines worldwide – including Indonesia and Bali.
  • Internet Access from Bali.
    How and where temporary visitors can access the Internet during their stay in Bali.
  • What You can See and Do in Bali.
    The most important tours and excursions; Balinese dance performances; Wayang Kulit & traditional drama; museums & exhibitions; sports & many other leisure activities, and shopping.
  • Food & Restaurants to Enjoy in Bali.
    Prices & opening hours; "Chaîne des Rôtisseurs" events; International cuisines; Indonesian cooking, Padang food & Balinese delicacies; beer, wine & local alcoholic beverages. Restaurant suggestions: where to eat in Sanur; restaurants in the Kuta area; seafood in Jimbaran; eating out in Nusa Dua; Ubud & surroundings.
  • The Food of Bali – Recipes and Instructions.
    Lavishly illustrated recipes for 75 Balinese delicacies and detailed instructions how to prepare them. Compiled by Bali's food guru Heinz von Holzen.
  • Bali after Dark.
    The most popular pubs, bars and discos for tourists and residents in the Kuta area, Sanur, Nusa Dua and Ubud. Updated frequently!
  • Drugs: Don't even think about it!
    The use (or just ownership) of narcotic drugs is illegal in Indonesia and punishable by death. Drugs offered on the street are of questionable content, and often mixed with toxic substances. Many street vendors cooperate also with the police. If you buy you will be arrested soon afterwards, and you will be released only after paying US$60,000 or more – if at all!

Thank you for visiting our Bali Guide pages, Bali's most up-to-date source for everything to do with the "Ultimate Island" — resorts, boutique hotels, luxury villas, holidays, travel, tours, cruises, exchange rates, weather and more. Make sure you return again soon for the latest information on the island of Bali in Indonesia.

source by:baliguide.com


BALI WEDDINGS Everything You Need to Know About Getting Married in Bali

BALI WEDDINGS
Everything You Need to Know About Getting Married in Bali


MARRIAGE LAWS, LICENSES AND CERTIFICATES


Bali is part of the Republic of Indonesia and is subject to Indonesian Laws. Every couple considering getting married in Bali must comply with these Laws.

In accordance with Law No. 1 of 1974 concerning marriages in Indonesia (Article 2 (1): "a marriage is legitimate if it has been performed according to the laws of the respective religious beliefs of the parties concerned."

All couples who marry in Indonesia must declare a religion. Agnosticism and Atheism are not recognized. The Civil Registry Office can record marriages of persons of Islam, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian-Protestant and Christian-Catholic faiths. Marriage partners must have the same religion, otherwise one partner must make a written declaration of change of religion.

The Religious Marriage under Islam is performed by the Office of Religious Affairs (Kantor Urusan Agama) in a ceremony at a mosque, the home, a restaurant, or any other place chosen by the couple and is legal immediately after the ceremony.

A Christian, Hindu or Buddhist marriage is usually performed first in a church or temple ceremony. After the religious ceremony, every non-Islamic marriage must be recorded with the Civil Registry (Kantor Catatan Sipil). Without the registration by the Civil Registry these marriages are not legal. Recording by Civil Registry officials can be performed directly at the religious ceremony for an additional fee.

Persons of non-Islamic faith are required to file with the Civil Registry Office in the Regency where they are staying first a 'Notice of Intention to Marry' as well as a 'Letter of No Impediment' obtained from their consular representatives.

For the issue of the Letter of No Impediment to Marriage by your Consular Representative you will need to present for youself and your fiance(e) your Passport(s) valid for more than 6 months and Certified Divorce Decrees (absolute/final) and/or Death Certificates regarding the termination of all previous marriages. Please contact the Consular Representative of your country for details well before your intended date of marriage.

The following countries have Consulates or Consular Representatives in Bali. The telephone and fax numbers must be prefixed with 62-361 when calling from abroad. Australia (Consulate, also representing Canada, New Zealand and other Commonwealth countries in emergencies), Jalan Hayum Wuruk No. 88 B, Tanjung Bungak, Denpasar, Tel. 241-118, Fax 241-120; France (Consular Agency), Jalan Bypass Ngurah Rai No. 35, Sanur, Tel. 285-485, Fax 285-485; Germany (Honorary Consulate), Jalan Pantai Karang 17, Sanur, Tel. 288-535, 288-826, Fax 288-826; Italy (Honorary Vice Consulate), Jalan Bypass Ngurah Rai, Jimbaran, Tel. 701-005, Fax 701-005; Japan (Consulate), Jalan Raya Puputan, Renon, Denpasar, Tel. 234-808, Fax 231-308; Mexico (Honorary Consulate), Jalan Moch. Yamin 1A, Renon, Denpasar, Tel. 223-266, Fax 231-740; Netherlands (Consular Agency), Jalan Raya Kuta 99, Kuta, Tel. 751-517, Fax 752-777; Norway & Denmark (Honorary Consulate), Kawasan Bukit Permai, Jimbaran, Tel. 701-070, Fax 701-074; Spain (Honorary Consulate, currently vacant); Sweden & Finland (Honorary Consulate), Jalan Segara Ayu, Sanur, Tel. 288-407, Fax 287-242; Switzerland & Austria (Consular Agency), Kompleks Istana Kuta Galleria, Blok Valet 2 No. 12, Jalan Patih Jelantik. Kuta, Tel. 751-735, Fax 754-457; United Kingdom (Honorary Consulate), Jalan Mertasari 2, Sanur, Tel. 270-601, Fax 270-572; U.S.A. (Consular Agency), Jalan Hayam Wuruk 188, Denpasar, Tel. 233-605, Fax 222-426.

For the Notice of Intention to Marry you have to submit the following documents for both partners to the Civil Registry Office (show the original and present a photocopy):

  • Certificate of the religious marriage;
  • Passport for foreign citizens, or KTP (Identity card) for Indonesian citizens;
  • Certified birth certificate;
  • Certified divorce decree (absolute) or death certificates regarding the termination of all previous marriages;
  • Four 4x6 cm photos, both partners side by side;
  • Foreign citizens:
    • 'Letter of No Impediment to Marriage' issued by your Consular Representative for Bali or Indonesia;
  • Indonesian citizens:
    • Never married: letter Surat Keterangan Belum Kawin from Kepala Desa or Lurah (mayor);
    • Men aged 18-21 and women aged 16-21: parental letter of consent, signed across the materai/tax stamp Rupiah 2,000.

Before the marriage, you and your fiance(e) also may wish to file with the Civil Registry a prenuptial Property Agreement (Surat Pernyataan Harta) which must be signed before a local Notary Public. This contract is necessary if you wish to hold property separately during the marriage. In the absence of such a document, Indonesian marriage law assumes joint ownership of property, and subsequent property acquisitions by the Indonesian partner will be regulated according to the laws restricting foreign property ownership.

Two witnesses over the age of 18 are required. They must show the originals and present photocopies of their passports if they are foreign citizens or KTP (identity cards) if they are Indonesian citizens. Civil Registry employees can act as witnesses.

The Civil Registry office has a Mandatory Waiting Period of 10 working days from the date of filing. This waiting period may be waived for tourists presenting a guest registration form (Form A).

Islamic Marriage Certificates (Buku Nikah) issued by the Office of Religious Affairs (Kantor Urusan Agama) are legally valid in Indonesia and do not require registration with any other agency if you are going to live in Indonesia. However, if you might move somewhere else in the future (and who knows?), get a marriage certificate issued by the Civil Registry and an officially certified translation right away (see below).

All other Marriage Certificates will be issued by the Civil Registry usually on the same or next day. A sworn English translation of the marriage certificate should be obtained for use abroad. It is not necessary for the marriage certificate or translation to be registered by your Consular Agency. However, to have the sworn translation of the marriage certificate verified or a special translation made by the Consulate of your home country or the Consulate of your country of residence might prove useful.

WEDDING ARRANGEMENTS

Balivillas.com offers a FREE Wedding Ceremony if you book one of the more luxurious villas for 7 days or more. We will also assist with villa decoration, catering & party service and transportation. Please visit Romantic-Weddings.com, our associated Wedding Co-ordinator, for additional Bali wedding arrangements such as more elaborate ceremonies, handling of legal formalities, rental of bridal dresses, hair styling, make-up, flowers, dancers & musicians, photo & video shooting etc.

Special Bali Honeymoon Accommodation

No matter if you want to stay at a romantic private villa, a resort on the beach or a secluded hotel, Balivillas.com can arrange just the right honeymoon accommodation to meet your needs and make your honeymoon truly special and memorable.

source by: baliguide.com

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Greek Marriage and Weddings

Resources on Greek weddings, marriage customs, and age of the bride.

Greek Eros and Philia Love Magic
The needs of men and women in the arena of love were different and required different types of magic; the men using eros magic, and the women philia or agape magic.

Books Covering Greco-Roman Sexuality and Sex Roles
Review - Kirk Ormand's Exchange and the Maiden
Review of Kirk Ormand's Exchange and the Maiden: Homosocial Marriage in the Tragedies of Sophocles - Deianeira, Antigone, Jocasta, Alcestis, and Tecmessa.

Matrimonium
Article on Matrimonium (marriage) in ancient Greece and Rome, from Harry Thurston Peck, Harpers Dictionary of Classical Antiquities (1898).

Athenian Wedding Rites
Short section from "A Day in Old Athens," by William Stearns Davis (1910), says the bride married at about the age of 15 and gave away her toys to Artemis before the ceremony.

How to train a wife
From Xenophon, On Household Management [Oeconomicus] 6.17-10. Ischomachus tells Socrates he explained "to his wife that the role assigned to women by society is natural, since it was ordained by the gods, and that it works to the advantage of both sexes."

Marriage and Funeral Rites in Classical Athens
In "Til Death Do Us Part: Marriage and Funeral Rites in Classical Athens," Jana Shopkorn describes component rituals of marriages and funerals in 5th Century B.C. Athens. Also describes overlapping elements, like dedication of a lock of hair, ritual purification, and use of the veil.

source by: about.com

Tuesday, 6 January 2009

Greek Weddings

The History of Marriage

These types of marriages were either commonly practiced (or recently made obsolete) around the fifth century. To understand fifth century practices, it is necessary to take a step back and review the history of marriage in Greece, for Sappho, who flourished in the seventh century B.C., drew on patterns of marriage that were as much mythological as sociological, or legal, and for whom marriage as an institution triggered personal responses.

Pandora was the first bride,9 as well as the first woman. Didomi, the word meaning to give, from which Pandora's name is derived, reflects that the bride was originally a free gift that came to the groom's home bearing gifts. Leduc explains the importance of the bride-gift:

The free gift was, I believe, the organizing principle of the Hellenic system of legitimate reproduction. From the eighth to the fourth century B.C. a woman was always given (didomi) to her husband by another man, and this man always gave other riches (epididomi) along with her.10

In keeping with the notion of a bride as a gift, the Homeric bride brought gifts to her new oikos.11 This arrangement is a daughter-in-law marriage.12 During the "betrothal," the son-in-law and father-in-law became etai, allies, by exchanging gifts in preparation for the bride transfer. The dora, gifts, were a tangible sign of the alliance between the two households. This exchange also indicated that the bride's family was not just selling or rejecting her. The bridewealth generated by the passive bride, on the other hand, was called hedna and it usually manifested itself in cattle. This gift exchange formalized the legitimacy of a marriage and legitimized the children of the union.
In Homeric epic, a man could also "marry" a girl by winning her in a competition or by stealing her as booty. The Greek heroes left Troy with Trojan women as their "prizes." There was no "polygamy"; instead, a husband might have a wife and concubine, as seen frequently in ancient works about the Homeric heroes. If the wife gave her consent, the children of the concubine could be appointed as heirs. Yet, society demanded that a woman be faithful to her husband, begetting legitimate children.

One compelling motivation for marriage was the political alliance between noble families that the marriage would establish. Gradually, however, money replaced birth as a conduit to political influence, and marriages were consequently not as necessary for establishing political alliances.
Occasionally, sexual attraction would be a reason for marriage, but it was still only the attraction of the man, leaving the woman's feelings unaccounted for. Achilles' anger when Briseis was taken away from him indicates the deep feelings of a man for a woman who was worth fighting for. Helen acts on her own lust, but her actions are considered unique and improper by her peers.13
The daily lives of women during the dom of movement, they were not expected to mix freely with men. Women out of the house were usually in the company of other women.14 Women's activities consisted mainly of ensuring the smooth running of the household, bathing and anointing their husbands, raising their children, and participating in religious festivals. Women also contributed economically to their households through textile production. Vases often depict women weaving, as seen on this Berlin tondo:
The woman seated on a chair on the left has one bare foot propped on a special foot-support. Her chiton and mantle are pulled up above her knees, so that she can twist the loose wool around her leg prepatory to spinning it. She holds a thick strand of red wool in her hands. A basket stands near her ready for the finished yarn ... On the far right, a second wool basket stands on a cushioned stool.15

The women were solely responsible for producing the textiles used by all the household members.

During the era of colonization and unsettled times which followed, many of the characteristics of and motives for marriage, such as political and economic motives, were inherited from the Homeric age. Sentimentality and love prevailed too.16 Convenience was a predominant motive; colonists commonly "married" native women. There was also a movement from bridewealth marriages, in which the groom paid the bride's father, towards dotal marriages, in which dowries went to the groom's family. This gave the father of the bride a personal stake in the marriage: he might be more discriminating in whom he would select as his daughter's groom since he would, in effect, be paying this man to take care of her. If the kyrios picked a whimsical man, the groom might waste the dowry money. The policy of returning the dowry in the event of divorce also deterred the husband from divorcing the woman frivolously. Meanwhile it also set a certain standard of living for the bride in her new household since her father could initiate a divorce and thereby reclaim the dowry if he was unhappy with her arrangement.

Marriage in seventh century Sparta deserves a mention in this context.17 The role of a woman as reproductive mother was equally as important as the role of reproductive father and marriage was viewed simply as a basis for procreation. But procreation was not limited to married couples. Wife-sharing and selective breeding were common practices in the Spartans' quest for the production of strong warriors. Spartan society placed a very high value on physical strength and bred children for strength. So if a man was not physically strong, he would most likely not procreate with his wife and instead would allow a stronger man to impregnate her. If a man did not father boys or did not have the desired Spartan qualities himself, the woman was encouraged to seek another man to impregnate her. Spartan women enjoyed more power and freedom than other Greek women, as their men were often away training for military service and responsibilities both within and outside the household fell to them. Spartan women were allowed out of the house and were encouraged to exercise and stay strong. This is in contrast to other Greek communities which limited women's activities to the domestic sphere only.

Because data from the Homeric Age and Age of Colonization are sparse, many of the details about marriage and the status of women discussed in this study are based on Athenian practices of the fifth and fourth centuries. The formal guardianship of women, the ages of the couple at wedding time, the economic and political motivations for marriage, and the goals of marriage and motherhood for women are just some of the features we recognize from Athenian marriages. The development of the Athenian polis from the seventh century onwards, however, did qualify the role of women. To ensure the stability, strength, and identity of the developing polis, the role of child-producing woman rose in importance.18

Footnotes:
9. For a full explanation of Pandora as the first bride and of marriage in the Homeric age, see Leduc, Claudine. 1992. "Marriage in Ancient Greece" in Pauline Schmitt (ed) A History of Women in the West: Volume I: From Ancient Goddesses to Christian Saints. Translated by Arthur Goldhammer. Cambridge, MA: 233-295. Leduc discusses the relevance of offering gifts with the bride in Homeric times and explores why this ritual was practiced differently by later societies.

10. ibid., 235-36.
11. For a full explanation of marriage in Homeric times (eighth century B.C.), supra n. 9.
12. Examples of daughter-in-law marriages abound. Penelope represents a wife who gave up her own family in order to be incorporated into her husband¹s family. Nausicaa¹s situation, on the other hand, if Odysseus had accepted her hand in marriage, would have resulted in a son-in-law marriage since the husband would have been incorporated into the household of the bride¹s father.

13. There are other women who act on their own desires as well (Medea, Clytemnestra), yet they too are viewed as improper.
14. Nausicaa, for instance, accidentally met Odysseus while waiting at a well, but she did not feel comfortable alone with an unrelated man. She tells her girl servants "Stay with me!" (Hom. Od. 6.213) Her biggest fear, though, is being seen entering the city with an unrelated man by the villagers and makes him follow after her.

15. Berlin F2289, vase description, Perseus 2.0, 1996. New Haven.
16. Periander, tyrant of Corinth in the seventh century B.C., is said to have fallen in love at the sight of his soon-to-be wife Melissa (Athenaeus 13, 589F).
17. Marriage and the status of women in Gortyn have also been examined as a parallel comparison to Sparta, since Dorian women in general shared a freedom other Greek women lacked. Leduc, supra n. 9, also outlines marriage in these two communities.
18. Male babies were needed to maintain the existing number of families, especially during the Peloponnesian War.

source by : by Jennifer Goodall Powers, SUNY Albany

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Dating 101: Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage

Dating 101: Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage

The surprising, enlightening, and sometimes hard truths married folks all face --
and how they teach us about what love really means.

You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.
In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick -- and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there. Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.

More Dating Articles from Redbook:
That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."

Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.
Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.
If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.

"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.
You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.

Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."

4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.
Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."

5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.

6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.
Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.

7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.
I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.
That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

More Dating Tips:
source: Ylonda Gault Caviness for Redbook

Sunday, 28 December 2008

Korean Ceremony marriage

Traditional Ceremony (Before, after & Clothes)

The day of the celebration finally arrives. Members of both families and the local villagers come out to watch the ceremony. The various aspects of the ceremony each have deep meanings and symbolism.


Ch'inyoung (Wedding Parade)
Traditionally, weddings took place at the house of the bride's family. The groom usually rode a horse or pony and his attendants or servants would walk to the bride's house, or wherever the wedding was to take place. The attendants often played musical instruments to make the mood more festive, although the groom had to remain grim faced and hide his emotions.

Jeonanrye (Presentation of Wild Goose)
During the procession, the Girukabi (person leading the way) held a single wooden kireogi (wild goose). Upon reaching the bride's house, the Girukabi gave the kireogi to the groom who then placed it on a small table. After bowing twice to his future mother-in-law, she would take the kireogi into the house.

Gyobaerye (Bowing)
This often marked the first time that the bride and groom saw each other. The groom and bride each had two attendants who helped them throughout the ceremony. First, the groom walked to the east side of the wedding table. Then the bride walked to the west end. The groom's helpers spread a carpet or mat out for the groom, then the bride's helpers did the same for the bride. The bride and groom then faced each other across the wedding table. The helpers washed the hands of the bride and groom. The washing of their hands symbolized cleansing themsleves for the ceremony.

With the aid of her helpers, the bride bowed twice to the groom. With the aid of his helpers, the groom bowed back once to the bride. The bride then bowed two more times to the groom, who bowed back once more. They finished by kneeling down and facing each other. The bowing represented the promise of commitment to each other.

Hapgeunrye (Drinking)
This part of the ceremony had two main variations, due to regional diffferences. The first variation had the couple drinking from the same cup, with their assistants passing it back and forth between bride and groom. The second variation had them drinking from separate halves of a gourd. The drinking signified the destiny of the new husband and wife, as well as their harmony together. Using two halves of the same courd further symbolized that the bride and groom each made up one half and only together could they be considered whole.

First, one of the helpers poured alcohol into a small cup for the groom, who then drank it. Another helper poured for the bride who sipped it or only pretended to drink. The groom's helper then poured into the cup again (or used the gourd in the other variation) and the groom drank again. The bride's helper poured again, with the bride sipping or pretending to drink again.

source by: http://www.lifeinkorea.com

Saturday, 27 December 2008

Traditional Korean Marriage

Origin & Meaning , Before Ceremony
(Traditional Korean Marriage)

Origin and Meaning
Eum/Yang (Yin and Yang)
Marriage represented the perfect union and balancing of the two primary elements of the world: Eum, the dark, female element; and Yang, the bright, male element ("yin" and "yang"). Often, the marriage ceremony took place at dusk, representing a balance between light (day) and darkness (night) The color blue stands for Eum, while red represents Yang.

Kireogi (Wild Geese)
A pair of wild geese made from wood represent the new husband and wife. In the Jeonanrye part of the marriage ceremony, the groom gives a single kireogi to his mother-in-law. The geese symbolize several virtues that the couple should follow in their married life:

Chickens
A male and female chicken (one wrapped in a blue cloth, the other in a red one) sit on or under the wedding table. One meaning is the symbolism associated between roosters and the morning. The crowing of the rooster marked the beginning of the day, a bright, fresh start, just like the marriage should be. The crowing of the rooster also told the evil spirits that day was coming and they had to disappear. The rooster in the wedding ceremony marks a hope that evil spirits will go away and not trouble the new couple.
A secondary meaning represents the hopes that the couple will have many children, very important in a traditional agrarian society. As productive chickens made many eggs, thus should the new bride produce many children.

Before Ceremony

Eui Hon
(Matchmaking)

The process of finding a prospective wife or husband for ones child usually involved the services of professional matchmakers who would gather information about local unmarried people and their respective social levels, education, and family lineages. The matchmaker would match prospective partners and have their parents meet each other. The parents would also meet the prospective mate for their own child, but the future bride and groom would not meet each other at this time. The groom's family would send a proposal of marriage to the bride's parents, who would either accept or decline the proposal on behalf of their daughter.

Napchae (Date Setting)
saju After the proposal was accepted, the groom's family would prepare a Saju, which specified the year, month, date, and exact hour of the groom's birth, according to the lunar calendar, and deliver it to the bride's family. White paper, 40 cm tall and 90 cm wide, was folded 5 times evenly, and the Saju written in the middle, then put in a white envelope. Rather than sealing the envelope, the groom's family wrapped the envelope in bamboo branches then tied it with red and blue thread. Finally, the entire package was wrapped with Sajubo, a wrapping cloth with red fabric on the inside and blue on the outside.

Based on the information contained in the Saju, a fortune teller determined the best date for the wedding. The bride's family then sent a Yeongil to the groom's family that stated the wedding date and inquired about the groom's body size.

Napp'ae (Exchanging Valuables)
Before the wedding, the groom's family sent presents to the bride and her family in a box called a Ham. Additionally, the Hamjinabi (person who delivered the Ham) and a small group of close friends of the groom also took a pot of Bongch'i Deok (red bean rice cake) from the groom's family. The bride's family would have a small party for the group, offering them food and drink for their efforts. The ceremony of delivering the Ham has evolved into a major event for friends of the groom, with the bearers "selling" the contents of Ham to the bride's parents. (In recent years, the groups have become very boisterous, demanding large sums of money that they promptly spend on alcohol.) The Ham usually contained 3 items. The Honseo (marriage paper), wrapped in black silk, specified the name of the sender and the purpose (marriage) of sending. It symbolized the dedication of the wife to only one husband. The wife was to keep this document with her forever, having it buried with her when she died. Ch'aedan was a collection of red and blue fabrics, used to make clothing. The blue fabrics were wrapped with red threads, while the red fabrics were wrapped with blue threads. The two colors represented the philosophy of Eum/Yang (Yin/Yang). The Honsu was a collection of other valuables for the bride from the groom's parents.

source by: lifeinkorea.com

Marriage in South Korea

Marriage in South Korea

Marriage for South Koreans is similar to that of their Western counterparts, but has unique features of its own. For example, Korean brides do not adopt their groom's surname as in many Western marriages.

Eligibility

Marriage in South Korea is a union between a man and a woman. A man over 18 and a woman over 16 years old can marry with their parents' or guardians' consent, and a person over 20 can marry freely.

Marriage within the same ancestral clan

In the past it was generally considered a taboo for a man and a woman to marry if they both have the same last name from the same ancestor. From this cultural influence, the article 809 of the Korean Civil code regulated marriages within a clan in the past, considering it as a type of exogamy. However, the Korean constitutional Court found this piece of legislation unconstitutional and asked for an amendment by the legislative branch in a 1997 decision. (5 judges found it unconstitutional and 2 asked for amendment by the legislative branch and 2 opposed to the outcome of this decision) The court specifically asked the legislative branch to amend the current civil code article 809 para 1 by the end of 1998 and hold further adjudication of this legislation. However, with the legislative branch not providing an additional legislation to oppose the decision by the Constitutional court, the decision was set to be final, allowing the people within the same ancestral clans to marry each other.

Traditional wedding ceremonies

In ancient times, weddings were held in the bride's yard or house. The groom traveled by horse to the bride's house and after the wedding ceremony took his wife in a palanquin (cart) to his parents' house to live. The bride and groom wore formal court costumes for the wedding ceremony. Ordinary people were permitted to wear the luxurious clothes only on their wedding day. Hand lanterns are used for lighting the way from the groom's home to the bride's home on the night before the wedding. Traditionally, the groom's family would carry a wedding chest filled with gifts for the bride's family. Wedding ducks are a symbol for a long and happy marriage. Cranes are a symbol of long life and may be represented on the woman's sash.

These customs are still in practice today.

The bride's attire

The women's attire includes a jeogori (저고리, short jacket with long sleeves) with 2 long ribbons which are tied to form the otgoreum (옷고름). A chima (치마), a full length, high waisted wrap around skirt is worn. (See Chima jeogori or Hanbok) Boat shaped shoes made of silk, are worn with white cotton socks. The bride's attire might include a white sash with significant symbols or flowers. A headpiece or crown may also be worn. The norigae (노리개) is a hanbok (한복) decoration which has been worn by all classes of Korean women for centuries. It is tied to the skirt or the ribbon on the jacket. The knot on the top is called the Maedeup (매듭).

The groom's attire

A jacket (jeogori, 저고리) and trousers and an overcoat are worn. The jacket has loose sleeves, the trousers are roomy and tied with straps at the ankles. A vest may be worn over the shirt. A black hat could be worn.

The wedding costume for men is also known as gwanbok for the groom

Modern style wedding ceremonies

In larger cities, luxury hotels will have 'wedding halls' or ballrooms used specifically for wedding ceremonies. These rooms are decorated with a wedding motif and are rented to couples. Other wedding halls are independent facilities that can accommodate several different weddings at once.

Today, many couples will initially have a more 'Westernized' ceremony with tuxedo attire and white wedding gown, then proceed with a smaller-scale, traditional wedding after the main ceremony.

Practices before weddings

Various exchanges that are so crucial to the Korean wedding. Those of household goods (Honsu); gifts of clothing and jewelry between the bride and groom (Yedan, Chedan and Paemul); gifts given to the significant kin of the groom ('Yedan); gifts of cash from the groom's kin to the bride (Cholgap), and from the bride's family to the groom's friends (Hamgap); and exchanges of food and wine between the two families (Sangsu) though not all practices are still common.

The exchanges that are still common are those of ritual silk (Yedan), given by the bride to the groom's significant kin, and the negotiation of the purchase price of the gift box (Hamgap) delivered on the night before the wedding to the bride's house by friends of the groom. Indeed, her final chapter is dedicated to a wonderful economic anthropological consideration of the obligations and expectations of the various parties to the transaction of the gift box price. It is also in this chapter that considerations of the groom and his friends--the male side of getting married in Korea--receive attention.

Wedding halls

Whereas a hotel ballroom or church must retain the flexibility necessary for other functions, independent wedding halls are able to focus strictly on weddings, and even cater to specific themes. Weddings in luxurious hotels had been prohibited by government in 1980, became partly permitted in 1994, and completely available for the general in 1999.[2]

In busier wedding halls, the formality (outside the couple and their families) is typically relaxed compared to Western standards. There may be a buffet hall on one floor in which guests from all the different weddings come for a meal, either before or after the ceremony, which may take no longer than 20 minutes.

The most common gift for a new couple is cash, and in the hall outside the wedding salon, representatives from the couple's families will collect and log donations.

The official ceremony with guests is followed by Pyebaek which is the ceremony among family members exclusively. The bride formally greets her new parents-in-law after the wedding ceremony. Additionally, the groom often gives a piggy back ride to his mother and then his bride, symbolizing his acceptance of his obligations to both his mother and wife.

Wedding feast and reception

The modern Korean wedding feast or reception, (kyorhon piroyon, 결혼 피로연) can be a mix of traditional and western cultures. At a traditional wedding feast a guest would expect to find bulgogi (불고기, marinated barbecue beef strips), galbi (갈비, marinated short ribs), a variety of kimchi (pickled cabbage with a variety of spices, with other ingredients such as radishes, seafood). There will be many accompanying bowls of sauces for dipping.

The meal is always accompanied with a vast quantity of white, sticky rice (밥, bap) as well as gimbap (김밥), which is rice, egg, spinach, crab meats, pickled radish, and other ingredients rolled in seaweed and sliced into 1-inch rounds. Mandu (만두), dumplings filled with cabbage, carrots, meat, spinach, garlic, onions, chives, and clear noodles. These dumplings may be deep-fried or steamed. Soup will be offered, very frequently a kimchi type, or a rice cake soup (rice dumplings with chicken broth), or Doenjang guk, a fermented soybean paste soup with clams.

Also popular are a light broth boiled from dried anchovies and vegetable soups rendered from dried spinach, sliced radish or dried seaweed. Steamed rice cakes (tteok) sometimes embellished with aromatic mugwort leaves or dusted with toasted soy, barley, or millet flour are presented as tasty ritual food.

A large variety of fruits, such as Korean pears, and pastries will be offered for dessert. A spoon and chopsticks are used for eating.

Type of marriages

Arranged marriage

Arranged marriage is popular in South Korea. Koreans usually refer to this type of marriage as Seon (선). Generally, parents arrange a meeting. The reason why this type of marriage is prevalent in Korea is that marriage in Korea is not just a matter of a bride and groom but a merging of two families. Because the potential spouses are pre-screened by the family, there is much less of a chance of family opposition to the marriage. It is extremely rare that a single Seon leads to a marriage; many succeed in finding a suitable spouse only after dozens of Seon meetings with different individuals. Following the initial meeting, the couple typically date for several months to a year before the actual marriage. The distinction between an arranged marriage and a "love" marriage is therefore often blurred, although in an arranged marriage the families tend to be more closely involved throughout.

Love marriage

"Love" marriage, as it is often called in South Korea, has become common in the past few decades. The expression refers to the marriage of two people who meet and fall in love without going through matchmakers or family-arranged meetings. Most often, the bride and groom first met on a blind date arranged by friends, on a group date, at their workplace, or while in college or university. South Korean families accept this type of marriage more readily than they used to, although it is not uncommon for romantic relationships to end without resulting in a marriage because of family opposition. Surveys indicate[citation needed] that the majority of young Koreans would rather end a relationship than to marry despite parental opposition.

Matchmakers

Matchmakers are common in South Korea. Families present their son or daughter to a matchmaker, or a single man or woman arranges a meeting with a matchmaker, to analyze their resume and family history for the purpose of finding a marriage partner who is compatible in social status and earning potential. Koreans keep precise lineage records, and these are listed on the matchmaking resume. Today, almost all single people meet their matched partner prior to the marriage and have more say about the match than was previously allowed. Matchmakers earn a fee for their services.

Remarriage

Remarriages are becoming more common in South Korea. According to South Korean government statistics reported in the Korea Times newspaper, the number of remarriages went up 16.1 percent to 44,355 in 2004. [11] The number of elderly Koreans remarrying has doubled since 1995.[12] The South Korean marriage agency Duo first began advertising its remarriage services in 2006.

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